The more I learn the more I realize how ignorant I am. Every new piece of knowledge highlights how little I know; every new path I venture makes me fearsome (and excited at the same time) about the unexpected; every new exploration brings out how much more is waiting to be explored; every new insight accentuates the stark hollowness. The more I discover the lesser things make sense. Sometimes I feel that beyond a certain level of knowing, everything looks futile and meaningless. Or is that just an transitory stage that occurs to all intermediately; shall I go on looking for meaning in this meaninglessness?
They say ‘Too much knowledge is also a bane’. Maybe quite so; though I don’t feel in that league yet. ‘Too much curiosity lost paradise’, Aphra Behn had said this in her play The Lucky Chance in reference to Adam and Eve; but I tend to find a counter-argument – ‘the world wouldn’t have evolved if Adam and Eve hadn’t been curious’. Such argute wisdom tends to peak my curiosity levels higher than any cat, dog or fox, though it’s led me into pretty tight spots at times, narrowly escaping the fate of the proverbial cat.
The futility of the whole thing does drag me down at times; my muddled thoughts become so suffocating that I want to shout out aloud, go screaming in the streets; while at other times, I draw myself into a cocoon, with a vacuum inside me strong enough to implode my whole being. At such moments, I just feel like breaking free – though not even sure – of what! The only escape I know from such abhorrently melancholic abyss is to indulge into more readings that in turn lead to more explorations and experimentations.
There’s so much out there to explore; it fuels a deep longing in me to venture out, pushing me to step out of my safe zone; pulling me to experiment with things, propelling me to get up and go on even after failing miserably. And now that I’ve already fallen flat on my face a few times, I realize there’s nothing drastically wrong in taking a chance. So here’s to learning more…to realize how little we actually know (I think Albert Einstein had said something to this effect).
Some of you may call me plain crazy, a nutcase, a confused soul, or simply just another prolix smartass trying to steal a small share of the limelight through canny wordplays. That’s alright; I guess I am…a bit of all.
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